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Nocturnes of the Incarcerated

by Caratucay

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1.
2.
Paralysis 05:52
A thought occurred, might we live behind bars Discord dwells within, repression of darkness Masochistic act of false self-realization Estrangement from the core, our attempts reduced to a farce A machine drained of fuel, a motionless apparatus Stillborn actors on a canvas of a Bollywood-film Make up covers the face of each of them Their raised mouth angles have been frozen in an instant Trapped in a status of crushing bliss Gray colors vanish in purple mist Empowerment of competence achieved through their acquired disablement Show no sadness, strive for a primitive inner Embrace the profane, empty your mind And celebrate the tedium, your honesty is not welcome You shall dance and laugh, a living corpse Your sensibility shall be reduced to none Principles are nothing but weight on your legs Maladjustment gives you a better advance Handsome is the inscribed grin that purely is bereft of sense You shall dance and laugh, a living corpse Quit your cares, your self shall vanish Don’t be scared, reach perfection by remaining a doll Compensate a frail attitude with strong expression Until your cheeks nearly rip by the tension Be known by no one and accepted by all Be a part of the dance at this hypocritical masked ball Known by no one but accepted by all Stand tight at each other but be worlds apart Shine bright and depart be a shooting star Meaningless words in a meaningless world Show your teeth but to increase sympathy Take a stance you shouldn’t be hurled Preach freedom but do not be free We inflicted paralysis on ourselves We embraced to live in a self-made hell Our brokenness will be ignored but a handsome face does truly sell A business ruled in which we trade A faked smile for another Just to obscure that we are frail A business ruled by our trade of one faked smile for another And you shall dance and laugh until you finally break
3.
Motion is denied as anxiety strikes me Petrified as my heart beats rapidly Fear carries desperation since I am unable To control this state, mind unstable Can you show me the bright colors that were banned from my sight? The joyful side of life that was taken by fear’s blight? You wouldn’t even dare to imagine in how much pain I am right now Ineffable, this horror to which I have to bow Shaky hands, shivering body, eyes wide open Trapped in my head, broken words unspoken Deranging fear attacking from all sides Defenseless in plain sight, overrun at first attempt Sole in these plains of ashy ground No one is searching for me, ’cause I’m nowhere to be found All that’s left is a moment of defeat Losing against an overpowered enemy A battle that doesn’t even deserve this name Abandoning my dignity, left with pungent shame When every noise is a shock Every shadow is a threat When you’re even afraid of prevailing There comes a time you wish you were dead Palsied tongue, I’m quadriplegic, staring at terror’s antic My language is barred, my soul is scarred Motion is denied as anxiety strikes me Petrified as my heart beats rapidly Fear carries desperation since I am unable To control this state, mind unstable Deranging fear attacking from all sides Defenseless in plain sight, overrun at first attempt Sole in these plains of ashy ground No one is searching for me, ’cause I’m nowhere to be found All that’s left is a moment of defeat Losing against an overpowered enemy A battle that doesn’t even deserve this name Embracing my shame Imagine you denied yourself to feel joy You don’t sense your bliss, even when it hurts Forbidden to love yourself Your own prison, your curse Head slamming against the bars In chains, the blacksmith is you The prison guards are your own scars A stranger you once knew Madness and hate overcome Ravaging your cell trying to break free Crimson scratches at the wall How did I end up where I don’t want to be? The battle inside your head You’re losing, the enemy is you A part you thought to be dead A stranger you once knew The place you made your home Won’t ever stop to hold you down Crush the asylum you once built Its mere existence will get you killed What if I told you that you’re the creator Your power unlimited, your will superior Every brick stone you built, you can make it disappear One last teardrop and you’ll make the fear stop I will tear down my home Fury be my guide Still welcome to this place But only if you throw yourself away
4.
Plethora 07:18
Cast your boundaries aside Illusive connections are what make you feel alive Decide what others can see You strive to be appreciated by people you have never met What's your freedom meant to be The world lies at your feet or vanishes with a swipe Constant availability of dopamine Sure there are endless possibilities Yet seeing them unfold don't you feel lost in this endless sea Of countless people seemingly never being in misery Vast lands, unlimited space yet there is no place for you What's your importance in society If everything people think is what you make them to believe Being followed doesn't make you a leader Engage the algorithms of expandability One as good as the other but not good enough for you Since true decisions plant only one seed which takes time to prosper You prefer a forest though its trees are lacking roots A lonely captain on a lonely ship Islands call his name from afar But his commitment to the ocean makes him feel so unbound Sea sick he's still in denial for his need of solid ground A perfect canvas conceals mildew on claustrophobic walls You're bathing in applause, this drug helps you to deal with your inabilities Psychedelic trips triggered by surreal visions of a better life Paradoxical liberties obscure what's within sight There is a pursue of a virtual engram, an advanced version of yourself In compulsive fashion you're chasing every thrilling opportunity Though true interest is null, you just do because you can And so your fickleness fakes honest self-confidence As your individuality got lost in the endless sea ages ago And the trees of the forest threaten to crush your skull by breaking apart And every new beginning has an expiry date As particularity suffers from constant availability And every encounter is just preparing the next For we do not believe in something like eternity So we're wearing a mask, a bland face that could be exchanged by any other As trust is the only thing we don't throw around like staple
5.
Hiraeth 06:21
Verschollen, des Willens beraubt, die Stille des Zeitpunkts scheint furchtbar vertraut Sie ruft nach mir, unaufhörlich Der Klang ihrer Stimme; abscheulich, verführerisch Ihr Gewand gleicht Nebel, umgibt es mich in kalter Wärme, die Peripherie verschleiernd Ihr Körper liegt mir an im einsamen Beischlaf Heilsam umgarnt sie den Verstand mit nekrophiler Ambition Mein Hort, mein Halt, mein Heiligtum Hiraeth Verloren, verkalkt, contritium anima Dementiae Myopisch, beschränkt sie doch meine Sicht Kein Blick in die Ferne, alles was war und noch sein mag verschwimmt im Nichts Nur das Jetzt ist präsent, doch scheint es mir trivial Temporärer Betrug, den Moment verbracht in Teilnahmslosigkeit Weg des Vergessens, die Schönheit obliegt der Gewohnheit: Jeder Aufstieg birgt den Fall Die Angst vor dem Scheitern, bedrückende Last, steter Begleiter, Nervengift Die Stille erdrückend, sie fordert ihren Sold Ein schwarzes Loch, unendlich dehnt es sich aus, erschreckend, wundervoll Ergreifend, unbarmherzig Der Lethargie fröhnend schmiege ich mich an’s Gewand der Stille Was einst fehlte scheint mir nun konstant Ich genieße die Gesellschaft, das vertraute Gefühl Doch reißt sie alles an sich heran Der Hippocampus gefressen, der Gefühlswelt beraubt Lass mich fort, ich entsage mich deiner Besessenheit Ich reiß’ mich los, entrinne Der Introversion, meinem Rückhalt, dem Rückzug ins Selbst, der Zuflucht, die ich gefunden im verlockenden Schoß der Einsamkeit, der Abkehr, der Stille Im Kampf gegen die emotionale Anorexie Fress ich mich voll mit Glück und Erfolg bis ich drohe mich zu erbrechen Ich nehme es mir woher ich kann, keine Rücksicht Verluste sind nichtig im Krieg, dies ist ein Überlebenskampf Verschollen, des Willens beraubt, die Stille des Zeitpunkts scheint furchtbar vertraut Sie ruft mich Heim, hiraeth
6.
Sunken 07:16
Sunken, looking into the deep Tempting lights flash deep down below Twisted creatures cursed with immortality Over decades, caught in darkness Disfigured faces, unaccustomed forms swim beneath your sight Leaving traces, seemingly hostile corpses nourished by parts of self-sacrifice How harmonic, how quiet it’s here in the outcasts’ slum If you move further on, will you merge with these shades and rest as one? Will you be part of this silence, deprived of all fears Floating yards and miles, secrets concealed to magicians and seers Starving fellowship, but stomachs numb Empty shells, approximation to the deep sea No need to surface, pressure comes And leaves during an adjustment period This place so cold. Time passes in streams until time is gone Leaving space for warmth. In darkness, losing identity, becoming one You’re petrified, a giant squid levitates right above your eyes How majestic, how bright. Endless spectrum of colors Embodiment of beauty, seducing sight Embraces and poisons you with delight Mindlessly dismembering all that’s around you Just a part of stream, is that your fortune? So you fidget and twine, you try to refuse Just to feel how your strength fades and you succumb to the sea You succumb to the sea Tiredly floating up, return to the surface The sun burns your back and you vomit in pain Your eyes still bound to the deep You decompose, left by the pressure you have been used to
7.
8.
Pathfinder 08:19
Where nothing grows and no blood flows A scary dialogue between two souls Greetings stranger, may I ask what brought this shady veil upon your face? What? Where did you appear from? I must have drifted while I confessed my disgrace To yourself? Are you aware your sins don’t mean anything anymore? Significant they are, I assure you, they infest my core Tell me what burdens this mind, the name of your plague I was too weak to endure the hell I went through, the needles pierced my heart unceasingly It must have been true torture since it caused your will to break Everyone around me was breathing while I choked on misery Did you scream for mercy? No one was there to listen Have you sought peace within? There’s either war or void Summoning your blood? Laughter was the answer Blessed be the good samaritan Who couldn’t understand Our paths seem to coexist on twin roads separated by time Do you really think we are of the same kind? We chose the only way left, embraced the end willingly I see, so you also drowned in your ineptitude, your distress made you blind Our kind is not meant to be, ill-equipped we are doomed to fail, so where lies your fault? So we are purposelessly crawling buried by rubble seeking light but our names won’t ever be called? You feel guilty for the pain you caused, for those you left behind, but you found your way as they will too It’s true, I’m the steersman, clay in my wet hands, who are they to judge? If only I could start anew Did you scream for mercy? No one was there to listen Have you sought peace within? There’s either war or void Summoning your blood? Laughter was the answer Blessed be the good Samaritan Who couldn’t understand We share the same fate, now that it’s too late you shouldn’t waste your time on regret Saying and doing, a sad romance, I’m trying but there’s barbed wire pulled through my head Introspection, where’s the war? The void still unrelenting My path led to death but maybe this is my first true beginning Where nothing grows and no blood flows A scary dialogue between two souls
9.
Curled up in fetal position, refugee in a chemical womb Deliverance for the mind which trembled with fear for hours No need to waste your strength in combat if you don’t care for victory From within this liquid glass dome you can safely watch your life burn down My haven awaits, seductive are its calls As reality transforms into agony resistance falls Too much to bear, too weak to endure Fleeing from this self-made hell consuming the cure How could I make the choice to return from paradise? Why should I heal my mind while witnessing my own demise? Numb, deaf, beloved bearer of salvation Mellow benign insanity, accept my sacrifice Two evils, eye for an eye, I embrace damnation The spirit of suffering defeated by the king of lies Internal cages built to repel the outside My haven awaits, seductive are its calls As reality transforms into agony resistance falls Too much to bear, too weak to endure Fleeing from this self-made hell consuming the cure With blinded eyes the pact was sealed, my wounds were healed, the truth revealed This deceptive place will make you crawl back on your knees But who would trade a world of peace For a world of pain and disease? For a conscious end, where’s the benefit In experiencing the inevitable when you’re afraid of it? My haven awaits, seductive are its calls As reality transforms into agony resistance falls Too much to bear, too weak to endure Fleeing from this self-made hell consuming the cure As the blinding lights dim out the true nature of the false savior becomes apparent The once shining idol now has a necrotic face reeking of pus and decay And as I get closer I realize I’m looking into my eyes Longing for numbness, addicted to ease Breeding affliction by praying for peace Dying forever unable to see That the only savior I get is me
10.
Moonlight 13:05
“Take my hand. I will lead you to a world beyond your perception” The sun kissed the seeds in the fields The water of seasons gave life to new beginnings They honor the legacy of god They thrive in spring Their love is destined to last forever It shall never subside For they cast a smile upon everyone’s face And the sun helps the moon to shine again Their love shall never die As the sun makes the moon shine And her rays intensify The emotions of life Summer has taken place At dawn, the moon throws calming light Into the night The reflection of the her The sun that makes him bright What is he without someone who illuminates him? Their ardor burns the fields The heat of the moment was induced by fatigue They are aware of their differences And they cannot fulfill each others needs Hurtful words are spoken Curses not even meant for their enemies They embarrass themselves And nearly contribute to blasphemy As violence has taken place Behind the curtain, out of the sight of planets The autumn announces itself through stasis and decay Meanwhile a beast hides in the woods Newborn, its hunger gets unbearable It’s nourished by the rays of the moon They do not speak None of their statements are distinct While the moon is devoured by flames The sun remains cold and distant He enrages, fury burns in his veins, he yells: “You shall honor me as you have promised” The beast appears and knocks the man out It rams its claws into the woman’s womb She screams in agony And is marked by incurable wounds Its claws pierce her breast A stench of lust emerges from its mouth Its sweat smells quite familiar though Its weight on her feels like hundreds of pounds She is a victim of dehumanization While the beast dehumanized itself It violates her in uncontrollable rage For far too long it strove to get Something that has already been dead The heat of the sun caused a ravening avalanche Black clouds covered the sky, blocking the rays of light She has no strength to radiate The rock in the surf is now inferior A feel of numbness pervades her most interior She falls into a comatose state Away from this situation of embarrassment and pain She does not shed tears, as they are in vain In the rays of the blood moon, the beast awakes Her cries subside in the lunar eclipse This moment feels like an eternity Until she faints, disappearing to another place Release me from this pain Regaining her consciousness She looks into the eyes of her lover A feeling of disgust comes up, she turns away He’s shocked for her eyes that once burned like ember Now lead into a pitch black pit The cold drew into their bond In winter they freeze, but they cannot warm The man looks at her, comprehending the agony she’s undergone The memories of the beast pervade his mind He nearly throws up thinking: what have I done? The sun will never shine again

credits

released February 11, 2023

All Songs written and performed by Caratucay
Recorded by Ryan Voosen (Averted Sound Studios) and Caratucay
Mixed and mastered by Ryan Voosen (Averted Sound Studios)
Artwork by Pedro Sena
Photography by Jannis Dalg

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Caratucay Germany

Phil: Vocals
Joscha: Guitar
Tjark: Guitar
Sebastian: Bass
Jim: Drums

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