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Deranged Serenades

by Caratucay

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    7 color screenprint
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1.
Ex Speculis 02:17
Instrumental
2.
Collide, the almighty mind that strives for The fine dissolution of what’s caused by my pride Align, every thought in a direction that leads me Away from self-destructive desires Break every part of the instable construction in my head Read the meaning behind every single memory Stare at the glance, of outstanders watching how you try to rebuild yourself With tender hands Why does everyone stand nearest by himself While I just watch myself standing away? Dissect everything See every single part as a whole Comprehend the schemes Break the manifest made of stone The fiend in me is gathering the major dynasty Thoughts of violence and hatred, forced by disbelief The thief of feelings, suppressor of the luck I seek First I get rid of you, oh how I long to be this time relieved Oh how I long for this luck I seek For the first time I’ll be able to Weep and see all that was buried in me And see what hitting rock bottom causes in me Weep and see all that was buried in me And see what hitting rock bottom Break every part of the instable construction in my head Read the meaning behind every single memory Stare at the glance of outstanders watching how you try to rebuild yourself With tender hands What violent behavior I show myself The loss of instincts and desires serves for nothing else But to give me aid Collide, the almighty mind that strives for The fine dissolution of what’s caused by my pride And this moment I see One chance from this darkness to break free From pain and memories caused negativity I’m gonna find my way With the aim right in front of my eyes Comprehend the schemes I will never fear to go astray again And still it’s crippling my soul Frightened, go into this fight again Don’t want to be the one stranded In a sea of loneliness Barehanded and forsaken
3.
Waste 06:13
Ceremonial blade, led to the stomach Betraying friends and comrades Makes you become nothing but a waste Sense of justice, free willingly accept self-punishment! Act of cleansing, feel the guilt running out of your veins You’re the reaper and you’ll reap what you sow Those I gave my heart, did nothing but to tear it apart, Those I shared my mind with Stabbed it over thousand times, Those I reached my hand rejected it and now I shall withstand The charming call of lethargy I’ve learned to be helpless and made my inner contract See that I don’t mind to follow a loyalties contract What do you mean would help you living in such way Than gaining any higher prestige? Quit your self-pity! Admit you’ve let your brethren die in battle! They held you high, you’ve kicked their faces, Always taken but never sacrificed one tear Chances missed and now it appears You are more worthless than dirt And this is the proof, corrupted by expectant attitude My bruised mind has to choose Between being refused or a way where there’s no chance... To lose… My guilty plea is crimson red Guts witness my inner wrath The final step, rid of self-directed abhorrence My fall to dishonor cannot be undone
4.
Inevitable 06:35
Careful steps, taken cautiously to prevent harm Watching out for threats posed by things that cannot be undone Even in my secure chamber it’s breathing down my neck The knowledge of me being powerless Nothing I do can save me from the day that I stop breathing I’m afraid to die, but even more to lose someone I love Inevitable, unpredictable, all the cautiousness won’t help against chance Bad luck, unforeseen, flip the coin, roll the dice Draw a card, this is life, lose and you will pay the price I’ve been dead before I lived, can’t say that I cared But life is the strongest drug, once you’ve tasted it’s hard to bear The certainty that you’ll stop using, infinity versus finiteness, so confusing Inevitable, unpredictable, all the cautiousness wont help against chance My lean ability to protect the few who matter to me Increases my anxiety Painful feelings sitting so deep When I’m done, when I’m gone I won’t feel anymore But everyone who’s still there will have to cope with it And since I can’t do anything, afraid of the pain of loss It’s better to go first, despicable egoist My lean ability to protect the few who matter to me Increases my anxiety Painful feelings sitting so deep Roll the dice, roll again ‘Til zero’s up, cause zero always wins Nothing I do can save me from the day that I stop breathing Bad luck, unforeseen, flip the coin, roll the dice Draw a card, this is life, lose and you will pay the price Humble and angry because there is no certainty Mother, are sure that your children are secure? Father, do you crave for your children to be save? Brother would you do anything to protect your sibling? Sister, would you give everything away If you knew this way your family would stay alive?
5.
Incubus sempiternus, parasitus in ligno animae Parce corpus, sed frangite spiritum meo Bright days, all is cold A shining sky, overcasted by fraud of anxiety The overwhelming strength of a realm I thought I have left behind me Familiar accompanist Destroyer of dreams, master of list Weight on my legs, darkening mist Blinding and slowing, obstacle to bliss Let me suffer, let me moan Incubus sempiternus, parasitus in ligno animae Parce corpus, sed frangite spiritum meo Your appearance is unexpected Everytime I can see the sun shine You burry me under a mess Dashing my life into pain and distress ‘Till I’m crashing and falling To the weight of your vice Familiar accompanist Why can’t you wait to lead me astray Lead me away from the path into bliss Condemn you, for making every smile looking false For shed tears, broken hopes, for the grieve, for the salt You have thrown above my wounds, now crusted Engulfed, the illusion that all toxic seed in me has been culled The tree of life, I do not feel it’s pulse Deaf and blind, close to being benighted But every stimulation is laid to rest The thought of salvation awakens instead The eyes rolled inside, no look at a cure Companion: destructive, absorbing and pure No pleasure, nor sadness, nor mourning, nor wrath Just one haunting question: Am I already dead?
6.
Instrumental
7.
Disgusting bunch of flesh Who do you want to impress With your pathetic self-pity For what you’ve done you’ll have to pay With blood running down your skin With blood running out of self-inflicted wounds Evidence from the raging self-hatred within Makes visible what cannot be seen Sharp knives seduce my eyes The search for punishment controls my thoughts Consuming venom, give me poison Demise from the inside Blood runs down your skin Evidence from the raging self-hatred within Break what’s whole, sicken what’s fine A slave to pain, to escape is to claim That you deserve better than this You are denied any form of bliss Deeper and deeper Methods get extremer It gets harder and harder To satisfy the need Disgusting bunch of flesh Who do you want to impress With your pathetic self-pity For what you’ve done you’ll have to pay With blood running down your skin Evidence from the raging self-hatred within Break what’s whole, sicken what’s fine A slave to pain, to escape is to claim That you deserve better than this You are denied any form of bliss Exposed to this spurned face Forced to coexist within this place Don’t judge my daunting tries To which there is no grace
8.
Another rainy day, succumbed to the constant pressure of my inner strain Broken, abandoned, accusing my former self I never had the will to fight The sloth now responsible for me being in this plight Another rainy day, but it won’t wash away the filth I feel inside I am empty and still there is something that holds me down Wraps around my neck, it’s feasting from inside my chest I want to get rid of it I want to puke it out My place of refuge is myself, carried away by a mind triggered stream Distanced from the person I once knew as me The seeking for what’s digged beneath the surface An eternal travel, prevents me to rest I am empty, every movement cripples me In loneliness, all time alone i clung to misery My sanctuary is the bitter sweet taste Of penances increasing intensity My place of refuge is myself, carried away by a mind triggered stream Distanced from the person I once knew as me I’d rather stay stuck than Swallowing another pill of the drug that’s life I want to puke it out The sloth now responsible for me being in this plight Another rainy day, but it won’t wash away the filth I feel inside Better I hazard the consequence of sloth Go through withdrawal than losing what I loved the most Rather cold than burned, better dirty than bleached Rather cold than burned, better dirty than creased
9.
The flood of our senses, compact information held on screen Have led us into boringness Victims to indifference, hunger for tragedy Suffering is equivalent to rapture We don’t distinguish, every day is the same Give us light, make us feel alive Take us above, let someone die We are vermin, following the sermon of ignorance Violating courage Dramatic events generate felicity Give us light, make us feel alive Take us above, let someone die Strangers needing help, zombies seeping through ourselves Absorbing their breeds suffering, proof of feign innocence One moment of anguish, caught for eternity, In misery we draw a picture of putrid aesthetics Forlorn fates, gears to our inner satisfaction Friendly face, mask of a starving ancient demon Drawn by Death, salvation to weaklings yearning for hate Desecrate, all moral instants in times without fate One moment of anguish, caught for eternity In misery we draw a picture of putrid aesthetics Mirrors of illusion, denying the sight of sorrow Realm of twisted reality
10.
Paradox 05:30
I feel better when I’m down It’s a paradox impossible to explain Like walking through a dark hallway Exiting into light but fond to go back again I feel sick when I’m hungry, but nauseous after eating During leisure I feel lazy, but stressed out while working Want to hurt myself, but no one else around Sadly it goes hand in hand, a circle of which I can’t break out I feel better when I’m down It’s a paradox impossible to explain Like walking through a dark hallway Exiting into light but fond to go back again Attracted to negativity Alternative definition of harmony Destructive thoughts breathe new life into me Perpetual longing for tragedy Perpetual longing for tragedy I feel sick when I’m hungry, but nauseous after eating During leisure I feel lazy, but stressed out while working Want to hurt myself, but no one else around Sadly it goes hand in hand, a circle of which I can’t break out Attracted to negativity Alternative definition of harmony Destructive thoughts breathe new life into me Perpetual longing for tragedy Imaginary problems give me reason to anguish Whining to get attention, ridiculous and selfish And every time I think it couldn’t get any better It suddenly becomes worse than ever
11.
Nexum 07:54
Blinded and asleep In a world ruled by intrigue Slaves ignorant of their fate Fight among themselves, driven by injected hate Invisible kings and puppeteers Feed upon their minions fears But you are free If you choose to be Creating money out of nothing Illusion of value, exponential growth Consuming itself Hurling the world into chaos, hatred and despair Global prostitution covered as sedulity Money rules the world but who rules the money? When nothing’s there to buy what good are borrower’s notes? Forcing me to eat and drink so I can bleed some more Although we both know there’s nothing left to give Great conspirators hiding their plot Defaming their persecutors as conspiracy theorists Seekers of truth oppressed by power Manipulation throughout generations Everybody loses, nobody wins Money rules the world but who rules the money? When nothing’s there to buy what good are borrower’s notes? Forcing me to eat and drink so I can bleed some more Although we both know there’s nothing left to give Invisible kings and puppeteers Feed upon their minions fears But you are free If you chose to be Nobody wins, everybody loses Blinded and asleep In a world ruled by intrigue Slaves ignorant of their fate Fight among themselves, driven by injected hate Invisible kings and puppeteers Feed upon their minions fears But you are free If you choose to be We are blinkered to stay in line Kept busy by the goddess of strife And it will not change until we open our eyes Cure ourselves from blindness, wake up and start to fight We don’t need your acceptance. We don’t even want it. Your hunger for power will never be satisfied, wolverine. We resist it and fight it. And you won’t prevail. Because we are what you fear most. Willing to die for our freedom.

credits

released July 1, 2018

All Songs written and performed by Caratucay
Recorded, mixed and mastered by Caratucay
Artwork by Pedro Sena

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Caratucay Germany

Phil: Vocals
Joscha: Guitar
Tjark: Guitar
Sebastian: Bass
Jim: Drums

PROGRESSIVE DEATH METAL

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